!!LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!! I've noticed within the past few weeks and months that I really want my dreams to come true. I've always wanted this, but within this timeframe things have gotten very serious. There are so many changes that I want to make within my society to better the lives of my fellow humans. Making life easier for those who've come before me and assisting in the growth of those who will follow. However, I've also noticed that at times I feel like I can't have those dreams, or that they won't come true. It's like a strange twilight version of my life that I'm watching through a lense where everything is upside down, almost like a peephole. I see what I want, what I dream, what I desire to have, but it's just out of reach. Am I an imposter, looking in on an alternate reality? A life that I've lived before? A life that's not truly mine? It's so difficult to rationalize the hardships I've been through and be able to separate those experiences from what's to come in the future. Trauma is hard, and it doesn't just wash off of you in the tub like some attempt to portray. It takes time, lots and lots of time and dedication for you to be able to overcome the mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical scars that come with trauma. The memories, the flashbacks, the daydreams that haunt your mind basically unprovoked. I've been working extremely hard the last 6 months to change the way I think. I invested in an affirmations app, began doing daily yoga, and made walking and exercise a regular routine (at least as regular as possible, lol). Then as you do these things, make these changes, it's like dang, am I doing this right? Did I miss something? Once you calm yourself down and realize that there's no "right" or "wrong" way to do things. You continue on. However, if you miss a day or have some type of relapse the guilt sets in. You begin to beat yourself up, fall into a hole, and you're once again assaulted by negative thoughts. This journey involves more than a bath and some crystals for sure. What I've surmised with all this is that all those things that you feel like are holding you back, are really making you stronger. Those gritty, gory details of this trippy far out trip are the most important part. It's to teach you that you never stop learning, you never stop growing, the journey never ends. It just keeps going on and on and on until there's no more life in this body, and then you start again somewhere else in some other time. That's the beauty of it all, the journey. If you're going on a vacation or traveling the best part (in my opinion) is the planning, the anticipation. Knowing that you're going somewhere great and that you're going to have SO MUCH FUN when you get there. It breaths life into your mind and soul. What we fail to realize though is that the preparation of said travel is the true gift. I remember I traveled to Japan when I was in 5th grade. It was the most fun I've ever had, but I barely remember the trip. What I remember most is the fundraising, not knowing if I was going to be able to raise the money. The shopping for all the clothes and travel items that I would need. Getting up early in the AM for our 5AM flight out of Chicago, and being on the plane to look down at the world below us. That is what I remembered most. Of course I remember where we stayed (it was super cold, I believe at the Olympic center), and the things I saw while there, but the journey was the place where imagination thrived. So many wonder why individuals who reach a certain level of fame and fortune are so unhappy. I think I know why. It's not that they're spoiled or ungrateful (though with some that is the case). It's not that they are unappreciative of what they have (despite the fact that in some cases that may be true). It's that they are seemingly "no longer on the journey" which causes an emptiness and lack of imagination within their hearts. Similar to reaching the top of the rollercoaster and believing that the only way you can go is down. There's a drop in spirit that I feel causes a person to die a little on the inside. So they fill their lives with things, maybe travel, to numb that drop in inspiration. I pray I never get to that point, and I wonder at times if that's why I'm so hesitant to fully believe in my dreams and the fact that they are coming true. Maybe I don't fear the success, maybe I don't fear the failure. Quite possibly the fear could be coming from the realization that the journey might be over once I get what I've dreamed of. What do you think???

!!LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!! So much has changed in ALL of our lives over the last two years. Jobs, families, recreation, you name it, and we've seen it be pulled up completely from its hinges and turned upside down. I've noticed that personally, within myself, I am no longer able to tolerate the falsities of life. Fake friends, fake romances, fake jobs, fake enthusiasm.. none of it provides any benefit to my life. The dopamine that was once gained from the idealization of a situation has long since worn off and the ugly truth shown with all propensity for a let down. The way that I talk to myself and others has drastically changed because no longer am I able to sugarcoat the truth. This gut wrenching truth has utterly changed my life forever. However, the results of the above said truths has surprised a great deal of us in similar predicaments in a way we did not expect. Many wise individuals that I know have used this time to perfect skills, hone talents, and create a new way of life that they may have never imagined without this cruel motivation. Businesses have sprung up in the face of adversity, creators have solidified themselves despite overwhelming odds, and visionaries have molded a new future for us all. Personally, this is a monumental feat that we would not have been able to accomplish without the help of the devastation we all faced. A double-edged sword of enlightenment (so to speak). That is why I'm proud to be who I am, proud to speak on what I speak on, and proud to create the future that I desire for myself without permission. How has life changed YOU in the last two(2) years???

!!LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!! There's a moment, a moment for all of us, where our spirituality was ignited. For myself, the ignition was lit after a lifetime of bad relationships (romantic and platonic). Trusting individuals I shouldn't have, investing in situations that held me back, and residing in uncomfortable and/or unhealthy spaces long past the expiration date. Basically, the growth of my life was being spoiled by toxic circumstances that I refused to acknowledge within myself and/or the people with whom I involved myself with. My outlook and thought processes had no hope of being positive, and my belief in myself was extremely low. One night it all collapsed within me. The thoughts of disgust for myself were so strong that I teeter-tottered on the thought of ending this beautiful life, like "what would happen if I got in the car and drove off some cliff??" This was such a low point in my life (after being low like this many times before, getting up and hitting the ground even harder) that I thought, "there HAS to be a better way... something greater than all of this." That's when all of a sudden those voices that I'd been hearing my ENTIRE LIFE held tremendous meaning. It's strange because these are feelings, emotions, occurrences, experiences, (etc) that I've been having/hearing my whole life, but was I listening.... NO!!! However, now, now that I felt nothing for myself, at the very same time I felt EVERYTHING for myself. I knew it had to be GOD, there had to be a reason, I had to have a purpose!! Here in lies.... THE IGNITION!! What was the pivotal moment for you???